Kale is not a food. It’s something Waitrose stitched together then dyed green to fill the gap in the market between cabbage and moisturiser for people who’ve spent too long on yoga mats.
You know what’s real? Unicorn Milk. I love this lot. It’s like they took Care UK’s most special people, made them a bit more special, gave them a pen and were like, you know what? Whatever you write down? That’s what we’re gonna name this stuff. Seriously. Whatever the fuck ends up on that paper.
Think I’m joking? I have a friend who vapes Bird Brains.