I don’t know what I was expecting, here

broccolitrees

Soupologie’s broccoli & matcha green tea soup is 32% broccoli and 0.02% matcha green tea.

SHAME ON YOU.

I propose a new blend. Melon & Broccoli; Meloncholy!

Fuckers.

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The Shit People Put In Their Mouths, These Days

cabbage

Kale is not a food. It’s something Waitrose stitched together then dyed green to fill the gap in the market between cabbage and moisturiser for people who’ve spent too long on yoga mats.

You know what’s real? Unicorn Milk. I love this lot. It’s like they took Care UK’s most special people, made them a bit more special, gave them a pen and were like, you know what? Whatever you write down? That’s what we’re gonna name this stuff. Seriously. Whatever the fuck ends up on that paper.

Think I’m joking? I have a friend who vapes Bird Brains.

Also, what the fuck, Vampire Vape? You have the genius to name these two to literally fly off your shelves and they’re not even blue?